4 Strategies to Stop Arguing

You know how it is: Sometimes you feel so much damn love for your boyfriend or husband you want to eat his face; other times, you'd like to kick him in the teeth.Well, according to recent studies, feeling both love and hate (yep, actual hate) is totally normal. That's because the same area of your brain that activates mushy feelings is also responsible for producing white-hot rage-which helps explain why even happy couples are destined to fight from time to time"Arguing can be a sign that your relationship is strong and passionate, and that you're comfortable enough to express negative feelings without fear of losing each other in the process," says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., author of Make Up, Don't Break Up. Still, there are right and wrong ways to resolve disagreements. We break it down. (Courtesy of Yahoo)

Use Your Ears, Not Your Mouth 

If you find yourself sounding like a playlist on repeat, try pressing pause. "Research has found that unhappy couples tend to repeat themselves out of desperation to be heard, which isn't productive. They wind up talking at each other instead of having a dialogue," says Benjamin Karney, Ph.D., co director of the Relationship Institute at the University of California at Los Angeles.While most people know that cakes and chocolate aren’t great for your health, there are other seemingly healthy foods whose dangerous properties slip under the radar. While it is unlikely moderate amounts of these foods will harm you, in large quantities – or in certain conditions – they may do more damage to your health than you think. Here are some of the most toxic common foods.

Don't Make It Personal 


In the heat of an argument, the gloves often come off. The problem, notes Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., director of relationship education at the Council for Relationships in Philadelphia, is that once nasty insults start flying around and feelings are hurt, nothing will be resolved. Also, according to a study conducted at the University of Chicago, our brains have a built-in "negativity bias," which causes us to be more responsive to unpleasant news. Why? Back in caveman times, our survival as a species was dependent on our ability to stay out of danger, so our brains developed protective systems that made it impossible to overlook the bad. That's why you need to minimize the negative impact of your words. Remember, the goal isn't to upset each other, it's to resolve an issue. So instead of exclaiming "You're so lazy!" tell him how his actions affect you. Try, "I get tired of planning everything for us and wish you would take over sometimes."

Don't Make It Personal 

In the heat of an argument, the gloves often come off. The problem, notes Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., director of relationship education at the Council for Relationships in Philadelphia, is that once nasty insults start flying around and feelings are hurt, nothing will be resolved. Also, according to a study conducted at the University of Chicago, our brains have a built-in "negativity bias," which causes us to be more responsive to unpleasant news. Why? Back in caveman times, our survival as a species was dependent on our ability to stay out of danger, so our brains developed protective systems that made it impossible to overlook the bad. That's why you need to minimize the negative impact of your words. Remember, the goal isn't to upset each other, it's to resolve an issue. So instead of exclaiming "You're so lazy!" tell him how his actions affect you. Try, "I get tired of planning everything for us and wish you would take over sometimes."


Remember You're a Couple 


We know this is a tall order, but if you can express positive emotions during an argument, you'll have a more satisfying relationship two or three years down the road, according to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family. "When couples are able to communicate closeness, affection (for example, a touch on the arm or the cheek), and even humor in the midst of an argument, the impact of harsher words is diminished," Karney says. "Positive interactions say that you still like and love each other, and you're committed to the relationship even in the worst of times." And you can even go a step further by incorporating some playful ribbing: Couples who lightly tease each other during a conflict wind up feeling more in love when the disagreement finally blows over, according to a study conducted at the University of California at Berkeley.

5 Signs that you have outgrown your relationship

Sometimes, the ease with which we fall in love is also the ease with which we fall out of love. This can happen because the relationship has run its course; your partner and you now want different things out of life; you’ve changed as a person and cannot relate to the relationship anymore. The comfort and habit of being in a relationship may work as a hindrance and not allow you to take the necessary steps required to call it off. But if you notice most or all of these signs, then you know you must confront the obvious and make a decision before it’s too late.

The most difficult thing in a relationship is to keep the excitement going. A certain drop in thrill levels is understandable, but if you feel no or minimum excitement about being in the relationship or with her, then you know you’ve outgrown the relationship.

Earlier you couldn’t get enough of her and now all you want to do is not be together. An obvious lack of interest and the need to avoid being together is another sure shot sign that you’ve outgrown the relationship.

A basic level of attraction is obviously imperative in the relationship. If you’re no longer attracted to her physically then the relationship has hit a dead end. If the spark is dead, then there is no point in keeping the relationship alive.

We’ve said time and again how important communication is in a relationship. The lack of it can spell doom for you and your lover. If you’ve stopped communicating or don’t talk as much about everything as you did before, then you’ve hit the wall. Either you can make a serious attempt to get the communication up and running or you can do the brave thing and call it off.

This can happen to anyone and it does happen ever so often. Your life goals change as you grow and mature as an individual. Your needs in life and what you expect of yourself is a process that is constantly evolving. It could happen that when you'll started you were both on the same path and now, with the passage of time, your paths have diverged. If this has happened, it is better to call the relationship off than attempt to combine roads that are in total opposite directions. 

Relationship Mistakes - Smothering your Boyfriend

Have you noticed that some girls just can't help self destructing their relationships? Even when they have a great guy who treats them well, they start committing relationship sins that are sure to lead them to a cold and lonely destination. One major relationship crime is smothering.

Listed below are some of the most commonly violated forms of smothering. If any of this sounds familiar, you need to make a change starting today.

1) Do you insist that you two spend every weekend together?
For your boyfriend to fully appreciate you...he needs time to miss you. Remember, too much of a good thing is still too much.

2) Do you give him alone time?
Everyone needs time to kick back and chill. Your boyfriend will go crazy if you're in his life twenty-four-seven.

3) Do you insist that he brings you to every party or event he goes to? Everyone needs time away from the person that they're dating. Especially, to go out and have fun with their friends.

4) When your boyfriend wants to go to a party or sports event alone with his friends...and you say OK...do you show up halfway through or at the end?
This is the ultimate sign that you're smothering him. Not only will this drive him crazy and make you look psycho to his friends, but you'll also be breaking a bond of trust. If you agree to something...keep your word.

5) Do you always come over uninvited or when you're asked not to? Realize that your boyfriend might not appreciate your habit of "just showing up". In your mind, you're being thoughtful and sweet, but that's probably not how he sees it.

6) Do you call him several times a night?
News flash, ladies!! Most guys don't like talking on the phone to the same person more than once a day...this includes you.

7 Signs of True Love

It's not always easy to tell the difference between lust, sex love and true love. You know you have something special with your man, but you're still feeling things out and figuring out where you stand. But how do you know when it's truly true love? According to Madame Noire, there are 7 things you should be comfortable doing in front of your guy.

Every relationship differs, but being yourself ensures happiness on both ends. Sometimes that means showing your not-so-boyfriend-friendly side. And true love means finding a guy who is totally okay with (and sometimes even crazy about) that side. So, without further adieu, here are Madame Noire's compilation of things you should be able to do in front of a guy you truly love. Oh, and then there's how I'm making out in my relationship. 

Getting mad (at him): "You shouldn't fear letting your man know when he's upset you….That type of communication should make [you and your partner] closer." We rarely fight, but once a month, without fail, my inner lady-beast unleashes on the person closest to me: my lovahhhh. But J is seriously so good at putting up with my PMS mood swings that always wind up directed at him. Last week I got angry when he stood too close to me in the bathroom while I was blowdrying my hair (there is no rhyme or reason) and he knew just to walk away from the situation. He's even matured to the point where he knows that sometimes I just need to vent. So he doesn't argue back, he just listens. I can't ask for more than that. 

Getting mad (at others): "It's healthy to be a bit of a crazy you-know-what sometimes, and you want a man that is not only okay with that, but finds it attractive that you don't let anyone step on you." J encourages me to be less of a push-over (especially at work when I tend to stand in a corner quivering in fear) and stand up for myself, even if that means turning into a not-so-nice version of myself. He's my biggest cheerleader (he has spirit fingers to prove it) and I feel braver pitching new ideas when I know J has my back. 

Crying: "Give him that chance [to make you feel better] and don't go hide whenever you feel the need to cry." Okay, so, I'm not really huge on the waterworks. But I do have one guilty pleasure: watching Grey's Anatomy every week and balling like a baby. J wonders why I would watch a show that makes me tear up so badly and I just tell him that it's my one release a week (I really feel better after that one good cry). He kind of gets it. He just goes in the other room when Grey's is on now.

Being insecure: "You want a man who hugs you, gives you that reassurance, indulges you in your momentary lapse of insecurity, and then forgets about it." GUILTY! I have become such a codependent dresser. I literally cannot choose an outfit in the morning without getting J's approval (what can I say, my man has style). But starting off my day hearing my boyfriend tell me he likes the way I look allows me to feel confident (and loved) and ready to tackle the world. 

Looking unkempt: "Men feel closer to a woman when they get to hang in bed with her, looking the way she only looks at home." Here at Glamour, we're always hearing that guys love girls when they're less done up. They prefer the jeans and tee look. That's guy pretty. But even I had a hard time letting my guard down with J in the beginning-I wanted to look as put-together and sexy as possible for him all the time. And then we moved in together. Now he comes home and finds me with my sweatpants and glasses on eating ice cream right out of the container…and he joins me. 

Getting sick: "If you're going to spend your life with this person, they need to know that you are human." Let's see. There was that first weekend being sick at home together a few months back, the time I passed out in the shower during sexy time…and then there was last weekend when I drunkenly puked on his shoes. Can we all agree that I've crossed all my bases with this one? Sorry J, sorry.

Being affectionate to others: "Physical closeness is a human need! [Your boyfriend] should be secure enough in himself to know that just because you hug, or even kiss on the cheek, a male friend doesn't mean you want to tear his clothes off." I have tons of guy friends and J has even more girl friends. He has never complained about me being affectionate with others, but that might be because when we're out with a group of people I make sure to give him extra attention. I'll be the first to admit it: I love PDA with my man. And no, I don't mean over-the-top making out in front of our friends. But I am guilty of grabbing his ass in public. God, I love that ass. And he knows it. So, no, J doesn't mind if I give my high school bud a kiss hello.(Courtsy of Melissa Melms, Glamour magazine)

Have You Already found Your True Love? Share your experiences with us!

 

 

 

Why Is It Important For Women To Initiate Romance?

Oftentimes we, as women, leave our needs unexpressed and wait for our husbands to just guess what to do. Many men honestly don't know how to be romantic. And, when they do get up the courage to attempt romance, their efforts may not be expressed in a way that we appreciate or even recognize as romance.

Look how silly this sounds. If your son was attempting algebra and didn't understand it, you wouldn't cry because he didn't love you. As a mom, we'd sit down, and go over it again and again, for as long as it took until he understood. Yet, we expect our husbands to know something that they've never been taught. Instead of leaving your man to struggle, show him how to romance you. How will he know what to do if you don't show him?So, how can you teach him how to romance you?


1. Be romantic yourself.
If you show him that you value him and love him on a regular basis, instead of expecting him to be the romantic one, he'll be more receptive to trying it himself. The old saying "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" definitely applies. Yelling and crying because he isn't romantic isn't exactly going to put him in the lovey mood.

2. Tell him what you like. Do you enjoy expensive gifts or would you rather have him make something for you? Would you like him to go on walks with you? Give you cut flowers or live plants?

Make a list of every birthday, anniversary and holiday and include ideas for things he can buy or do for you. Set him up to succeed.

3. Learn what he likes.
The same thing stands for him. Know what makes him happy.

Please don't buy him an expensive gift if he's the frugal type. He won't like it.
Don't take him to a fancy French restaurant if he's a Burger kind of guy. It's ok to take him there for your birthday, but don't take him there for his birthday.
If he loves sports, then go to them with him.

Please initiate romance. So often, women just get more and more resentful that they aren't feeling romanced and their man has no clue what to do to fix it. There really should be a required romance course before you can get your marriage license. At least that way, men would, at some point in time, learn how to be romantic. Until then, it's our job to show him just what we want and need to feel special. Now go Romance Your Man!