There's a saying in aikido, "There are many lessons on the mat." It
means that when we're practicing aikido we're not just learning aikido,
we're also learning about life. For example, when someone grabs my wrist
too hard and I get angry but don't say anything, I eventually learn
that it would be more useful to ask him not to grab so hard. I may also
notice that it's difficult for me to ask for what I want in other places
in my life, that I suffer needlessly because of it, and that I blame
others and justify my blaming instead of taking action. Many lessons . .
.
I swim daily and notice that I have a new saying, similar to
the aikido one, that goes "There are many lessons in the pool." Every
day I seem to have another internal learning adventure.
An
example of this is the lane partner dilemma. Some swimmers are easy and
quiet as they cut through the water; others splash. Some swim straight
and stay in their own part of the lane, leaving plenty of room. Others
flail and lunge, seemingly unaware that there is anyone else around.
Just like in aikido, with some partners cooperation is easy. As if we
were dancing, we know the timing and the moves and we flow easily with
each other. With others it's messy, and we're stepping on each other's
toes all the time. Ever feel this way? At the pool, as in aikido, I find
I can make the situation messier or easier depending on my attitude and
actions.
Lesson #1: I am given many dance partners in life. Whether the dance is easy or difficult is influenced at least in part by me.
Please Pick Another Lane.
Which
brings me to Lesson #2. One of the "difficult partners" seems to like
to swim with me. I can't figure it out. Even when there's an empty lane,
he gets in mine. He swims more slowly than I do, so I have to wait for
him or double back so as not to "pass" him, which we're not allowed to
do at our pool. He splashes and his swimming is erratic, his arms
swinging way out to the side and occasionally accidentally hitting me.
When I see him coming I think, Oh no, please pick another lane. But he
doesn't.
One morning I came to the pool late and this gentleman
was already swimming. There was an open lane next to his, and I sat on
the edge and was doing my warm-ups when he came up for air. He looked
over and motioned to me that he was getting out and I could have his
lane. I thanked him but stayed where I was. I had a lane. He explained
that he really liked his lane because there were no jets gushing water
into the pool. The jets are very strong and bother him. The lane he was
in – the lane I usually swim in – doesn't have them. Aha! I say to
myself. He doesn't get into my lane just to annoy me. He dislikes the
other lanes. And now he's trying to give me the "good" lane. What a nice
person!<
Lesson #2: It's not always about me.
The Benefit of the Doubt.
A
third lesson from the pool is that people surprise me if I let them.
Recently I got into the hot tub ("many lessons in the hot tub") to relax
after my swim. There was a man in there swishing his legs back and
forth really hard, churning the water into waves. I closed my eyes and
leaned against the edge of the tub and tried to mellow out. Impossible. I
opened my eyes and looked at him, hoping he would see that he was
disturbing me. Oblivious. I closed my eyes again. Getting worse. I was
practically drowning in the churning hot water. I opened my eyes and
looked again. Oblivious. I sighed out loud. Nope.
